And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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