I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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