you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
