I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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