maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
