you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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