those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
