dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Im part way to drunk.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
