I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
