i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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