Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
