Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
