i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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