my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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