You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
