We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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