We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
