so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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