my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
