You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
