That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
