They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
