Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The uberlube is also flammable
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
