She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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