OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Randomize
