so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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