No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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