Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
COCAINE IS GR8
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
