According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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