You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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