she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
