ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think a kid would responsible me up
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Randomize
