If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
