I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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