You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
