im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
