I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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