i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
