I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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