I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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