Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
