she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
