im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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