I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
