I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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