If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
