I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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