the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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