please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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