I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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